What does it exactly mean when a person says they are “emotionally unavailable?”
The other day when I was bellied-up to the bar enjoying a little happy hour, the guy sitting next to me started talking and within a few minutes he volunteered the information that he felt like he was “emotionally unavailable.”
“Wow, that’s deep,” I said. “So does that mean when you hear a joke you don’t laugh? Or what if someone cuts you off in traffic, you don’t get angry?”
He told me I probably wouldn’t understand what he meant unless I had had my heart broken before. I decided we needed to know each other a little longer than 10 minutes before I would share how I have “never had my heart broken before” and before he could enlighten me about his path to “emotionally unavailable,” I excused myself saying I had to use the bathroom. However, I never found my way back to his side of the bar.
I’m not going to lie or beat around the bush or candy coat it or make lemons out of lemonade… the fact is, it can be a little frustrating being a single girl in the South Bay, especially if your emotionally available. My friend suggested I go on Match.com, but I just can’t do it, I feel like it would be too overwhelming.
I bought some shoes the other day online and I knew exactly what I wanted to buy before I went to the site, then next thing you know, I get on the site, where there are hundreds of pairs of shoes and I was on there for an hour perusing the selection. I ended up buying three pairs because I couldn’t decide what I wanted and two of them were exactly the same style but different colors. I can only imagine what I would be like if I went to some Internet dating site.
I am actually kind of dating this one guy right now and for the sake of his privacy I’ll call him “M.” Honestly, I like him a lot; “M” and I have been friends since high school and throughout the years when we have both been single at the same time we’ve been there for each other. However, although “M” isn’t as “emotionally unavailable” as some, he’s not as available as I’d like him to be, plus I think he is about 2-3 years away from “settling down.”
I don’t blame “M” for not wanting to settle down just yet, if I was a man I probably wouldn’t be ready to settle down for a few years either, especially if I lived in the South Bay and my year-round-view consisted of girls on the beach in their bikinis playing volleyball. But for women it’s different; you get that feeling of, “opps, I didn’t mean to still be single at this age.” But the South Bay does that to you. It’s like one minute your 23-years-old, hanging out at Sharkeez and the next minute your 33-years-old going to your friend’s baby shower.
I’m a born procrastinator so I am just banking on the fact that my biological clock does a little procrastinating as well. I’m really not too worried about it, I mean after my last relationship, I just feel happy to be able to relax and focus on myself. Relationships can take some work, but when you get stuck in a bad one, it’s like going to a job that you know you should quit and everyday you stay, you morph into this bad version of yourself that you didn’t even know existed. I’ve only really been in one “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship and for the most part it was kind of a nightmare, so I’ll admit, am definitely no guru when it comes to commitment.
Maybe that’s why “M” and I are working so well together, we don’t have the pressure of the title. “What if we were boyfriend and girlfriend?” I asked him the other night while we were out. “Well, maybe we could be, but I think we’re both a little too emotionally unavailable right now.” He said half smiling. I looked at him for a minute, knowing he was kind of right and then excused myself to use the bathroom. “You coming back?” he asked me sarcastically as I hopped of the barstool. “Yea,” I said. “I’ll be back.”