I’m new to the world of stand up paddle boarding. I was introduced to it on Fourth of July weekend by the boy I like.

He is very into it and I got the sense that he was hoping I would be into it too.

The good thing is I like this new sport about as much as I like the new boy. However, like boys, the ocean can test you too.

So here I was early morning sky, pony tail in, bikini on, leash strapped, board shorts tied and the boy next to me the two of us staring at the crashing waves. “It might be a little rough getting out there, you want a push?”

I told my first lie to the boy I liked. “Nope, I’ll be fine I can do it myself.”

And off we went.

Crash goes the wave knocking me of the board… my bikini top starts to come lose.

That’s okay I think holding the paddle in one hand and keeping the board steady in the other. I can always tighten the strings when I get out there.

Crash again. I’m topless. The boy has managed to paddle his way out past the waves.

My hands are full of paddle and board, my forearm is holding up the suit and before I can even think about my top half being exposed the ocean takes the bottom half down as well.

The ocean got to third base faster than the boy did.

The boy turns back. He is hoping I will just figure it out and magically be by his side; the two of us paddling together like we are invincible.

He has a business call at 8:30 a.m. and the time is ticking.

Pony tail is a wreck, board shorts untied, bikini is on its way to being fish food and the only thing in tack is the leash which is attached to a board that feels it might rip my leg off at any time.

Wow this is a blast.

The boy paddles back to me puts his board on the shore. For a split second I think, we are done.

I’m wrong.

“Okay I am going to push you out there.” He says as he approaches me. He ignores that I am half dressed and look more like bramble bush than the girl he’s dating.

“I don’t even think my bottoms are still on” I stammer. “And if I let go my top is gonna…”

Before I can finish explaining my wardrobe-woes he tells me to get on and it’s time to be pushed.

I know what is about to be in his face but I jump on anyway because between him and the ocean I really, really want to pass this test.

Before he or I have much time to prepare my “baby got back” is exposed on the board squashed on my heels.

There is nothing I can do. I can’t pull up my bottoms I’ll lose his paddle, I have to just kneel on the board with my bare butt in his face.

If he or the ocean knew how I felt about having my rump shaker exposed they would both be more sympathetic.

Let’s put it this way, if I was ever keeping a government secret and my captives needed to use torture techniques to get me to spill the beans, they wouldn’t need to chop off my pinkie, all they would have to do is threaten me with the idea of showing my bare booty to a crowd.

Thankfully, it was early, and there was no crowd.

“Your butt is out,” he said as he pushed me into the wave.

Thanks captain obvious.

Due to the fact that salt water started coming out of my eyes and Flipper was wearing my bikini top, we decided to call it a day.

Walking up the beach the boy turns to me and says, “Well like anything, paddling has its peaks and valleys.”

I lied for a second time. “That’s okay, I still had fun.”

He looked at me. “Pull your top down, your boob is out.”

Thanks, I had no idea.